The Family . . . A Working Machine

Families have been around since the beginning of time and it stands for reason that there are many ways that a family should and could work. These ideas are known as family theories and there are a few that have been known to work and some that don't work as well, I'll let you decide what's best, especially since every family is different. A big factor to tie into the theories is the fact that each family has different roles for each person to play and sometimes these roles are covered in different ways. I'll use my family as an example. 

There are four main theories for how families work. These theories are conflict theory, exchange theory, symbolic interaction theory, and system theory. 

Conflict Theory 

Some of us have friends or maybe even know relatives who are always either looking for a fight or always have to be right and be winning. For some couples, it seems like the only kind of interaction they are able to have is a negative one with a fight. It always seems like there is a constant power struggle in the relationship. 

Exchange Theory 

In simple terms, the exchange theory is the belief that if I do something for you, then you will do something for me. Many relationships work this way and some profit from this and find success. This theory also expresses the desire to have the costs be equal or to have our rewards be greater than our costs. In other words we want to get the most out of our minimal efforts. this side of the theory can cause some problems. 

Symbolic Interaction Theory 

Many of us experience fears or concerns when it comes to relationships or changes. Things like having a baby, getting married, becoming a mother or a father is terrifying. However, say you have a fear of getting married, then you go to your best friend's wedding and you observe how their marriage works and you decide that maybe marriage isn't that scary and maybe you can do it to, after all if your friend can have a successful why can't you. The  idea that perceptions can be changed by observing others and gaining personal experience is key to this theory and has the ability to change families and people for the best. 

System Theory 

This theory deals primarily with the ideal that every family is a working system or machine. Every family has some unspoken rules, like for some families as soon as someone knocks on the door the tv is shut off and everyone comes to see who it is or if dad is mad than everyone had better get the house clean as fast as possible before he gets mad at you.  There are rules that make the house function and also there are certain roles that every member of the family must play. 

In my family, we are predominately ruled by the girls and I put a picture in so you can see exactly what that is like. My parents are very dominant personality people where my dad takes the role as the head of the house and my mom takes the supporting role. When dad is around he is the boss and when he's not home, mom is in charge. However, my parents like to travel and like to go on trips. I am the oldest and have always been the example child, or the experiment child. I also have a strong dominant personality that likes to take the lead and make sure there is peace in the home. When necessary I play the role of the peace maker to take care of my siblings and make sure everyone is getting along and doing the best that they can. 

I may be the peacemaker, and my sister just younger than me is the leader. She is the most like my dad and is always ready to take charge of a situation when I don't want to or can't take the lead. In some ways she is the aggressor but also she is everyone's favorite in the family. The middle daughter is the rebel. She wants to have a different path than her older sisters and often tries to do things in her own different way. 

Other roles include being the hub, you are the person in your family that everyone will go to and talk with to deal with other problems rather than talking with the sibling they have a problem with. This role is important and is sometimes needed. 

Sometimes the roles we play in our families are roles we want and sometimes they aren't. Often times we will get away from home and develop more of who we are on an individual level but then when we return home will find that we have reverted back to a previous role that we once played. 

Every family is different and works differently with different systems and theories and often times other subsystems or roles will play a major part in the culture of our family.